Wait for the Lord

Will you?

Dare you to move

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here

Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift
Yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here

Between who you are
And who you could be
Between how it is
And how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

...

There is nothing i can do to mend what is broken. There is nothing i can do to reverse what time has done. There is nothing i can do to change what is permanent. Like a scar that has been created, it is forever. In this period of time, it is where i find myself the weakest. Struggle i have, doubt i face. It is hard to trust but i know i must. For this is one of the times that i am tested. On whether i can fully trust in Him or allow doubts and unbelief. A tug of war in me, it is all i feel and see within. But i know, one must go through it in certain times in life. Like gold being tested and purified by fire. And through fire, i must. I long for the intimacy once again. But i know i am my greatest barrier. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I shall fight. As i know God has not given up on me, i shall fight too. I want to fight. For what is there to gain if i lose the most important Person in my life? For what is there? He is all i have. And that's what i have always forgotten. Despite all of the above, i know and i feel He is working and helping me. Unexpected messages, uplifting words, fellowships, meetings of Christian friends..have all supported me. I know then that i'm not alone. God is with me. This is all i need to know ... and fully believe.

Still love anyway..

Shall i compare thee?

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:

But thy eternal Summer shall not fade

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;

Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

(William Shakespeare, Sonnet 18)

There'll be no sunlight

'Cause there'll be no sunlight,

if I lose you, baby.

There'll be no clear skies,

if I lose you, baby.

Just like the clouds,

my eyes will do the same if you walk away.

Everyday, it will rain.

It will rain.

[Bruno Mars]

Daisies

I've always loved daisies.

The little flower with white petals and a yellow center, covering the whole grass.

They're beautiful.

Small, seems pretty insignificant, but yet, its whiteness can just brighten the side road.

They're just my flowers.

Hoping to have a chance  

to lie down on the grass full with daisies around me 

and watch the clouds pass by. :)

Seek Him and He shall show

Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. [Proverbs 3:6]

Let not mercy and truth forsake you; God's mercy in promising, and His truth in performing:

live up to them, keep up your interest in them, and take the comfort of them. 

We must trust in the Lord with all our hearts,

believing He is able and wise to do what is best.

Those who know themselves, find their own understandings a broken reed, which,

if they lean upon, will fail.

Do not design any thing but what is lawful, and beg God to direct you in every case,

though it may seem quite plain.

In all our ways that prove pleasant, in which we gain our point,

we must acknowledge God with thankfulness.

In all our ways that prove uncomfortable, and that are hedged up with thorns,

we must acknowledge him with submission.

It is promised, He shall direct your paths;

so that your way shall be safe and good, and happy at last.

[Taken from Mathew's commentary]

Crossroad - decisions

Dog under a tree

where are you?

memories..

Shadow and Light

I would like to quote what Vincent has said to me yesterday night. He said, "It's just like light and darkness. The closer you come to the light, the bigger your shadow is."

I don't know where he got that from but i like the idea of it. :D
We were talking about some other things but what struck my mind was that this illustration truly shows us and God.

The closer you go to God, the clearer you can see your sins and how dark it is compared to the glorious light from Jesus. The more you know God, the more you know how much grace and mercy He has poured forth for you. The closer you get to Him, the more you wonder how foolish it was for you to want to stay in the darkness previously. The closer you get to Him, the more you realize how fallen you are that nothing but the sacrifice of Jesus Christ can save you from all of those.

How blessed i am. :)

An act of kindness touches deep

First of all, this urge of posting is inspired by a little show of kindness to me from a friend whom i'm not really close with. I'm touched by her gesture, her generosity and so, i want to thank her here! Lye, i know you probably won't read this, but thank you! :D

And so, i want to thank the rest of my friends who are here when i need help or support. *getting emotional dy* Thank you for all of the thoughtfulness, the helps, the HELPS, the supports, the concerns etc. I deeply appreciate all of them and i will not forget them. ;)

In my previous post, i was pretty in a down state. Don't worry about it. I'm now alright! :)) More than alright i suppose. Hehe. The day before the competition, it was so terrible we felt we lost all hope. I was just thinking of going up and not to embarass ourselves only. So, in the morning of the competition day, we finally whipped up some simple mash up. (This is UPSI Got Talent competition, whereby it was opened to all UPSI students. Held in auditorium)

Before going up stage, i was pretty nervous. Really prayed to God and then performed. It was so scary, seeing the crowd but the shouts from friends really cooled me down. We didn't have a rehearsal using mics etc so there're so many technical problems. My guitar couldn't really be heard because i didn't know how to turn up the volume and i didn't know how loud it should be. Same goes to my mic. I thought it was already very loud so i drew further away from it, but after listening to the video, i realise i can't really be heard! Ugh! Wasted..can't really hear the harmonization! haha!

But anyway, when the result was being anounced, starting from the tenth place, we really thought we're not going to get anything at all when it reached the 3rd place because our group was still not called and the 3rd place is Kevin's team and they were so so good! So when they announced our name, i was like, "You serious ar? I don't think it's us la". When Syazza stood up, i wanted to tell her that i think we heard wrongly. But the judges looked at us, so i was like..omgeeee, is it really us?? Lol. So we got RM100 and a trophy! Still can't believe it.

Anyhow, life is back to the routine again i guess.Time to face assignments and tests! :)) God bless everyone!!

Devotion

God doesn't need our money. He wants our devotion. God doesn't want our gifts, presents. He wants our obedience. I was feeling rather stressed and depressed. Due to certain few things. I was feeling rather frustrated already due to the terrible practices we had and i seriously have no idea how its going to turn out tomorrow. To also feel like a statue, said to be adored yet not being interested enough to be cared, i was feeling really....terrible. Anyway, i reflected this statue situation and i felt a pang of sadness in me. How many times have i done that to God? It's not things He want from me, He just want me. He wants me to seek Him. He wants the intimacy. And now i understand at least a little (too little still) of how that feels and how much it hurts Him. Forgive me Jesus.

A day~

Yesterday was quite a relaxing day. If you don't include me being drenched in the rain for the second time in 3 days. I sort of finished my synthesis report and almost done with my grammar one as well during Sahsiah class. Though my synthesis report was not really what the lecturer wanted, i guess it should pass. After class, went to the library to study Grammar. I didn't progress much as i kept dozing off. I was facing the scenery outside and it was so nice watching the clouds passing by and birds flying in freedom with mountains as the background. After that, went to Olahraga and did running. It'd been some time i didn't run like this! It feels really really good as it brought back memories of me running for my house in school. The smell of grass, the rush of wind against my face and blowing through my hair, the pump of adrenaline, the desire to run as fast as i can.

After Olahraga, i didn't follow the rest to dinner as i'd to rush back to college to prepare for a function. D'Sync was called to perform. So, was kinda hungry. My friend was supposed to tapau for me but she forgot to do that. So, i had to buy nasi lemak from the cafe, which after that, i found out i don't have to. In the function (some sort of alumni), they provided food for us and it was so scrumptious! We couldn't eat initially when the guests were welcomed to eat as we were thinking that after our performance only we would.

But, the temptation was too strong! So, at first, we just took the pudding cracker (my first time and it was GOOD!) and cocktail. Then, couldn't resist again, we started wolfing down the rice and lauk-pauk (ikan bakars, all kinds of sambal, chicken curry merah) in front of us. :D Ate halfway, we went to perform.

The crowd was a small one though the hall was large. There were many empty tables around with food in each one. Almost all who were present were above 40s, so we were thinking, 'Darn, our songs don't suit them', as we were going to sing Just The Way You Are and Price Tag. Anyhow, we sang that and due to the quiet dinner, we sang quietly too in a serene manner. Kinda nice. My Sahsiah lecturer was there too and he was watching me. So embarassing! Hope he won't say anything during class later. I almost couldn't remember whether he was my Sahsiah lecturer or Olahraga when we met at the hallway. Fortunately i didn't ask him Olahraga-related question, which i almost wanted to. Phew. So after performing, we resumed eating! :DD

Well, now, i'm supposed to study Grammar, but heck, i'm so lazy to do that. I wish it would just be filling in the blanks in the exam and not some explanations kind of questions. God bless everyone! :)

D'Sync & Z.G.

These past few days had been..crazy yet again! Joined another singing competition, this time in 2 groups! First group is D'Sync. Second group is a new-found group, all consists of TESL-ians (Sharon, Yvonne, Jack, Vin, Jared, Ken and me). The name is Zero Gravity (almost named it Antiseptic..lol). We sang Jar Of Hearts, When You Say Nothing At All, and You're Beautiful. So yeah, it was actually just for fun. We were pretty lack of practice and worse, forgot to tune our guitars before we went up stage. So, imagine! haha! Oh wells, at least gained another experience and practising was fun! :DD

D'Syns's too not enough practice, lesser in fact. So we only sang one song, Just The Way You Are. Everything was pretty ok until the end when we sort of forgot how it goes! Syazza stopped singing and i was left singing the harmony. So it sounded pretty weird. Huhu. Brush that aside. So, expectedly, we didn't win anything. Hehe. There was this girl who sang Rolling in the Deep. She was so awesome you would have thought it was the real singer singing live. =P

So, after all of these running-arounds, noise, etc.. today and tomorrow would be a day of quietness. I would be sort of stuck at home here in uni today and tomorrow. Got to force myself to do report and hopefully, after that, to study a little bit on Grammar, which i doubt i can. =O Looking to spending some real quiet time with Jesus, not the fast stopping by. This quietness will be good for me. In fact, it was really hard to say no to going out on Monday to shop but i know i've been bombarded with so many things until i would feel uncomfortable if there's nothing going on at all, or when there's no noise but quietness. A day to slower down myself is what i need to balance everything. :)

KHAR Talent Time Competition

Here i am, filled with junk food and biscuits! Uncomfortably full. That's what not-real FOOD does to me. I need REAL food! I've been surviving mostly on those food in this past 2 days! Well, story is i recently joined a Talent Time competition organised by KHAR. Me, Yvonne and Syazza were called to form a team representing my college for the competition.

Started being busy with the practices since Wednesday, if im not mistaken (it seems so long ago!). The competition was then held on Saturday night. We sang Memori Tercipta and Price Tag and all three of us played guitar while singing. It was really an enjoyable moment in front thanks to all who had came to support! Met lots of unique people at the back stage too!

There were 24 groups altogether in the comp. So yeah, pretty a lot of competitors so we didn't expect too much on being selected for the finals! Lo and behold, the committee called me on Sunday morning informing us that we got selected! I was in church service and am glad i didn't shout too loud because of that! :D

So, on Sunday night we performed again. Only 6 groups got chosen. At first, wanted to change our songs but in the end, we had not enough time to do much except to add on 'When You Look Me in the Eyes' song. It was not that bad! But well, the performance on Sunday wasn't as nice as Saturday. Probably we were pretty nervous as it was final! But Yvonne got the rap thing alright! It went quite well!

Well, in the end, the result came out and we got second!! The first is also from our college, the nasyid team! So my college sapu-ed all the group prizes! :P Not bad! Kinda happy at least we can get a placing! And the most important is experience, the memory and the skill learnt!

So yeah, with all that was said, what has all of these got to do with me eating biscuits for 2 days? I simply didn't have any time for lunch! And we couldn't take dinner because had to sing at night. A filled stomach is no good for singing. Hehe. Oh wells, it was worth it after all. x)

Special

Seizing the chance to update now in the library while waiting for the others for the next forum meeting! The days this week had been hectic ones. As usual i guess. Have to get used to the full timetable and constant flow of exams, presentations and assignmnents. This time with music practices. Hopefully my consistency level will be increased! Despite of such busyness, i'm lovin' it! Though of course, at times, i felt pretty lazy and wanted to just sleep it off, i feel productive and satisfied. But ahh, how i wish i have more time for all things! Better time management? Hmm..one thing i realise, my rate of doing things are deteriorating. I need more time to do the same amount of work than last time! Gotta improve on that. Oh well, enough of self-reminding post.=P

Anyway, this week is quite a ..... Weird? Special? Faith-and-love challenging week? There is indeed some changes around. In terms of friendship, vision, faith i believe. Earlier in this week, God has reminded me to look to Him in all that i do and He shall being prosper to whatever i am to do. He gave it in a vision to my pastor during worship where i was seen standing alone in a very BIG garden. Everything around me was pretty dull. But when i look up to God and stretch my hands to Him, everything around me, the flowers in the garden etc came to life and became a very beautiful garden. Then he said, God is with me. I was really touched by such honor that God give him this vision of me. It is very assuring. Yet again, at that time, i was like laughing at myself because how could i have forgotten that He is every bit interested in my life, again? Thank You Jesus!

Not going back hometown this weekend. Tomorrow will be having singing competition! Wish me the best! :DD

The 'straight' day

11.11.11

What a unique day. I'm actually kind of sleepy right now but wouldnt't want to miss posting something since i missed the previous one. First, it's all 11! Second, it gives me an honest feeling, cuz it's all straight? Third, it's Single's Day! Fourth, i just like it la. Fifth, no fifth. Well, bro texted me to wait for 11.11am. But i kind of missed the sms while missing the train. So, what i did at 11.11am on 11.11.11? Missed the train. And the next one which is 11.11pm on 11.11.11? Sleeping. Yeah, i just predicted that.

So anyway, Jack came down to KL. We had Jogoya and he treated me (thanks again!). It's been like years since i stepped into that place! The food was good. Service too. Environment too. But i think last time i was able to eat more than today! No more growing. Lol. All in all, was a great lunch. Had a short walk around Pavillion and then watched 'The Adventure of Tin Tin'. Its quite a nice movie. Somehow, it reminded me of Cassie! Perhaps, both are cute? :D Initially, i thought it would just be another typical cartoon story, but in the end, the storyline was pretty unpredictable for me, which is good. Steven Spielberg ma..lol.

So, 2 more days to uni! Time flies again! But this week was pretty productive, not in terms of assignments though. Productive in fulfilling promises, helping out, rejuvenating, catching ups. So, no regrets. :) Oh, yesterday night had a yumcha session with KHS buddies. All of them are pretty much the same. It was cool to listen to their stories from uni. Hehe.

K then, no more crapping and reporting events that are boring you right now (its ok, i know). *yawn* ta'z people! Calling it a day! Hoping to wake up at dawn tomorrow! *whispers*but actually she'll just snooze the alarm clock for another 2 hours.