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There is nothing i can do to mend what is broken. There is nothing i can do to reverse what time has done. There is nothing i can do to change what is permanent. Like a scar that has been created, it is forever. In this period of time, it is where i find myself the weakest. Struggle i have, doubt i face. It is hard to trust but i know i must. For this is one of the times that i am tested. On whether i can fully trust in Him or allow doubts and unbelief. A tug of war in me, it is all i feel and see within. But i know, one must go through it in certain times in life. Like gold being tested and purified by fire. And through fire, i must. I long for the intimacy once again. But i know i am my greatest barrier. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I shall fight. As i know God has not given up on me, i shall fight too. I want to fight. For what is there to gain if i lose the most important Person in my life? For what is there? He is all i have. And that's what i have always forgotten. Despite all of the above, i know and i feel He is working and helping me. Unexpected messages, uplifting words, fellowships, meetings of Christian friends..have all supported me. I know then that i'm not alone. God is with me. This is all i need to know ... and fully believe.