tough

There are many things in my life that i just do not understand. Why am i always in this kind of situation? Why does this always happen to me? Why am i always falling back to the same pitying place? Why am i placed in that group? Why am i there when i'm supposedly to be in the other? Why do i have to shoulder all of these? Why don't i have a normal life for once? Is it because of me myself? My actions?

But many of those are simply out of my hands. Am i the only person who feel that way? Maybe not, but im sure there're not a lot (or perhaps i'm just ignorant?).Well, some are heavy stuffs and some perhaps may seem pretty trivial or laughable if shared, but if they affect me, it's not something for me to look over and be ignorant about, burying all of those feelings which will indeed resurface again in the future. I've learnt and am still learning not to neglect my feelings, not to let all of them to destroy me, but to deal with them, to cut the roots of all that're damaging due to situations that arised. I know i may not be able to change the situations that are out of my hands, but i believe something good may arise out of them though i may not know till the end. The only thing that i can do is to repent of all bitterness towards everything and change my way of seeing thing to the way of how God sees.

What i have now is to trust that God has a plan for me even in these kind of situations. In fact, i KNOW i'm not out of His sovereignty and i KNOW, even in this mess, He is in control. I want to take all of these and accept them as trainings from God. Situations that can help me to allow God's grace to work in my life. It's hard not to blame or complain or be bitter about all of these but i think when the going gets tough, its the time when i can grow more by going through the sharpening. Sharpening hurts a pencil, but in the end of the process, the pencil is fit to be used, right? The only problem is allowing God to do that. Oh, i'll have to let down all the pride in me! The selfishness, the envious feelings. Help me, Lord, to submit to whatever that is and is to come. Sorry people if i failed. I'm still learning.