Unconditionally!

Planetshakers concert was awesome! But it didn't last as long as i thought it would! Well, too bad also i don't really know the songs. Still, worshipping God with so many other brothers and sisters in Christ was one of the greatest feeling one can get! It just felt like being in heaven where you sing praise and worship songs together with all the saints towards our King, Jesus! The sermon was hilarious too. Well, one thing that the pastor spoke went right into my heart again like a reminder, or a nudge, or a bang! Its this. Jesus loves unconditionally. He...loves....unconditionally..... Unconditionally.

Well, i am actually struggling with issues regarding on how much i've given yet i'm not appreciated. And on how much i've been stepped on due to my "lembutness" (sort of). Well, it has always been the constant thing i'm facing. I contribute and yet either no one knows, or they just think i'm supposed to do it since im supposed to be the "good" one, or they just don't care. Then as time goes by, i slowly become selfish and protect my own needs first. Im not proud of this. I guess its some kind of self defense. No matter what, it is still bad, and it enters like a poison. But what i want to say here is that, GOD LOVES UNCONDITIONALLY! I've known this since a long time ago, and it has always been a constant message. You can see it on car stickers, song lyrics etc. Yet, today, these words spoke so much to me and i was directed to these issues im facing. He has loved me even when i rejected Him. He has loved me even when i don't care of His Words. He has loved me even when i'm ashamed of Him. He has loved me even when i take His love for granted..... If there's anyone who don't deserve His love, it should be ME! And yet, He loves me.......

It says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."[John3:16]

Can i love others like that too? Can i love unconditionally? He's still dealing with me and i pray that i'll surrender unto Him in this matter!
Anyway, sorry if i sound preachy. I'm just feeling so much of His joy right now. On how He loves everyone!
God bless! :D

Broken eggs on ground

Yesterday was my first day of being out of home after a full one week! Me and another friend of mine tried to give a surprise birthday celebration to two of my friends but it looked like they were not that surprised after all. :( Ruin my high expectation and preparation. Like having broken eggs on ground.

Anyways, after that, watched Real Steel at last after so many of high recommendations from friends. The beginning of it was not that interesting until the middle where it caught my attention. I think i might have acted as if the cinema was my home. =P

I have 1 and a half more day left before uni starts! Glad that i'm almost done with my portfolio. Finished all the GOs and vocab works. Left 4 more reflections to go which i think should be alright. Well, i'm yet to study for the coming test on Tuesday though!

Going to Planetshakers concert later! I'm not really that excited yet. Probably it has not sunk in yet. I guess i will in an hour. Well, will blog about it probably tomorrow! :)

Aja!

Recently, I saw a post in FB that says

Immediately i was reminded of God's unconditional love! Indeed the line is very beautiful and touching. Despite of all shortcomings and repeated failures, He still look upon His children with love. How do i deserve that? I don't. But still, He loves me. And you too. :)

Anyway, i found out just yesterday that all of my sickness in the last couple of days are due to my low blood pressure! I've been having that for years but this time, it was lower than usual. Thus all the dizziness, headaches, stiff neck and fever.Why i assume it was because of that? Mum gave me iron to drink on Monday, and i felt much better. My fever subsided too after that and i don't feel too stiff-necked or terrible headache. I still have a little of dizziness but it's not really that bad now. Glad i know the cause.

Well, i didn't know i have to deal seriously with low blood pressure but i guess i have to now. Read all the side-effects of it and they are simply no good. Plus im too young for all of these to happen now. One of the side-effects is confusion! D: That's me. It seems the lack of blood to the brain affect the thinking process and in storing memories.

I guess, it's time for me to put on my mask, and be in this real combat! B)

ahhh

I find myself smiling today while listening to songs by Frank Sinatra. Ahh, love his songs. <3 I was simply imagining that i'm at the streets in Paris, or Florence or London or Salzburg, enjoying the view. Like i'm really staying there, that the cafe behind of me is mine, that i'm not just a mere tourist but permanent resident. Bliss :D Day dreaming in the middle of the day huh? i like..

Ah, back to earth. I have not progressed on my assignments yet. *puts dramatic sound effect* I've been hunting lots of songs in the past two days and watching movies and lazing around. With my past experience of not feeling the emergency state eventhough the red light is blinking right in front of my eyes and the alarm sounding noisily in the background, i've got to shake myself into being panic. P.A.N.I.C. Panic enough to get me moving. But hmm, as im typing this, i'm still not feeling it yet. Lol.

I'm feeling better the last two days. But i don't know why i'm still running a fever between 37-38 degree. Still a little headache and dizzy. These few days, people have been asking me how am i and i think i'm boring them by giving the same kind of answer. Kinda pity them to have to hear all of that. Hehe. I think i even bored myself!

Thoughtfulness

I'm still in almost the same condition as yesterday. Its actually pretty dynamic. At times, i don't feel that bad, then it takes a downward turn towards the worse. When will this end? Bleeeaaarrrggh.

Well, even though this has detered me from some plans, i'm not going to let it deters ALL of my plans. Those that require lesser energy especially. Not assignments! They're gruelling! Lol.

Just now i read a blog post somewhere where the blogger complained about certain things regarding his certain friends. The blog was in public, as in anyone can view it even the ones he was complaining about. It was pretty obvious who he was referring to. So, the friend saw it and she commented. It was also obvious she was hurt by what he said through the comment she wrote.

This makes me think, is it worth it to say whatever you want in a public blog and hurt the ones reading it? Is it appropriate to say all of these? Maybe the blogger was feeling intense feelings about the whole thing, but i think, some things are meant to be kept quiet or tolerated and be left as it is. Or if you want to voice out your opinion, just talk to the person straight instead of telling the person indirectly through a public blog. If you don't want to do something, just say no and move on. You don't have to leave a trace of resentment on the way out. Lol. I'm not going to explain what was the story about. If you're confused, then ... be confused laah =P Well, with all that was said, i hope i didn't make the same mistake! In case you're wondering, the person doesn't read my blog. Hehe.

Anyway, coming back home with a sick body is in a way torturing! There are so many food i want to eat! Lol. 8 more days to recover!

God bless~ :)

Burning

In my previous post, I stated that I was feeling pretty unwell. Yesterday night was the worst where I woke up feeling so hot like never before and body aching and shivering. I woke up and tried to walk to the bathroom for some wet cloth to cool down my body but I couldn't really walk properly. I had to focus every step I took to reach to and fro the bathroom. In the end, I popped in a Panadol pill and the fever subsided in the morning. Though was a little dizzy by the end of my Reading Skills class, thank God I managed to make it to college, to campus, to KTM station, to Rawang station and then to Kajang!

I was feeling pretty dizzy by the time I reached home and body ached again, with some other symptoms. So I went to the doctor. He checked my body temperature and it was over 38 degree Celsius! I didn't even realized I was having fever when I got home. I guess yesterday night, my body temperature must be over 40 degree because I was so burning up and I thought I was gonna go blind! Glad I'm still alive...wow. I remember when I was a kid, my body temperature reached 42 degree and I was blessed to not die or go mentally retarded or blind. Anyway, after checking some other stuffs, he told me I am having viral fever. So yeah. There goes my plans for this weekend. =( am supposed to go Logos ship this Sunday too but I guess I'm not in the condition. Sad. I've never been to the ship before. Oh wells. I guess it's fortunate of me to not fall sick during Planetshakers concert! Hopefully will be ok by then. Ta'z people, and take good care!

P/s: this is my first post using my iPad2! :D opened the box today..bliss~

knock knock

I'm supposed to be doing my GOs (Graphic Organizers) now but i'm just too lazy. The weather is so cooling and my bones are paining right now! I've never had such pains before. It started from yesterday after i got drenched with the rain. After that, suddenly i had twice of shot-up fever. One yesterday night and one this afternoon. In the end, i just couldn't stand it so i took a Panadol. =( Well, at least the fever has left me. Left headache, dizziness and bone pain. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Long journey in train with bone pain will be very suffering.

Yesterday too i had my first session of jamming with Jack! We found a really good room in the campus. At last! But carrying guitar to campus from afternoon is pretty tiring and embarassing. Well, at least the end result was good! Had lots of fun.

I'm done with exams and presentations for now. Only for one week though. After next week, the exams resume. D: But am glad that some of the presentations are done with because my groups were chosen to be the earlier ones to present. (More to we drew lots and my groups got the earlier turns) hehe.

Oh, one more update, a few days ago, i gave in to buying an iPad 2. Lol. I find it pretty useful and i was thinking since i don't have a nice phone, why not get an iPad? =P And it arrived this morning! Mum called and now i'm so excited to go home tomorrow! :D

Another update, just want to say again, prayer is indeed powerful! :) Many times we may not see the result in the beginning, but in the end of the day, miracles do happen! In a way you may or may not realise until the end. So just wanna encourage fellow Christians who read this blog to never cease praying and not to give up when things seem bleak. God bless peepah! :DD

tough

There are many things in my life that i just do not understand. Why am i always in this kind of situation? Why does this always happen to me? Why am i always falling back to the same pitying place? Why am i placed in that group? Why am i there when i'm supposedly to be in the other? Why do i have to shoulder all of these? Why don't i have a normal life for once? Is it because of me myself? My actions?

But many of those are simply out of my hands. Am i the only person who feel that way? Maybe not, but im sure there're not a lot (or perhaps i'm just ignorant?).Well, some are heavy stuffs and some perhaps may seem pretty trivial or laughable if shared, but if they affect me, it's not something for me to look over and be ignorant about, burying all of those feelings which will indeed resurface again in the future. I've learnt and am still learning not to neglect my feelings, not to let all of them to destroy me, but to deal with them, to cut the roots of all that're damaging due to situations that arised. I know i may not be able to change the situations that are out of my hands, but i believe something good may arise out of them though i may not know till the end. The only thing that i can do is to repent of all bitterness towards everything and change my way of seeing thing to the way of how God sees.

What i have now is to trust that God has a plan for me even in these kind of situations. In fact, i KNOW i'm not out of His sovereignty and i KNOW, even in this mess, He is in control. I want to take all of these and accept them as trainings from God. Situations that can help me to allow God's grace to work in my life. It's hard not to blame or complain or be bitter about all of these but i think when the going gets tough, its the time when i can grow more by going through the sharpening. Sharpening hurts a pencil, but in the end of the process, the pencil is fit to be used, right? The only problem is allowing God to do that. Oh, i'll have to let down all the pride in me! The selfishness, the envious feelings. Help me, Lord, to submit to whatever that is and is to come. Sorry people if i failed. I'm still learning.

inhumane

Recently i watched a video regarding a young boy who was about 5 years old. He was hit by a van and abandoned at the road. The driver did not stop to send the boy to the hospital. Instead he or she just continued to run over the boy. This is not the saddest part yet.

 The saddest part is that after that, there were so SO SOOOO many people passing the boy who was lying on the road with broken body and smashed legs - bleeding all over the place and yet DID NOT stop to call the ambulance or DID any action to help the boy at all! They just avoid walking over the boy and passed by him without a second glance like seeing a hurt dog at the side of the road.

I was like...what the heck! THEY WERE SO FREAKING INHUMANE! What's wrong with them? Not only that, a second van came after the first van and the driver ran over the boy AGAIN! OMGEEE! A third van followed and the driver avoided driving over the boy but did not stop by to help him. Ugh!

By that point, i was like totally mad (still am!) with those people. They're not human at all. After some time, a lady rubbish collector who was dumping the rubbish noticed the boy. She hesitated a little in the beginning whether to help or not but in the end, she carried the boy and lifted him off the middle of the road to the side. and.........guess what......she just LEFT HIM THERE AFTER THAT!!! I was even boiling by then! D=<

How can anyone do that? How can anyone even have the heart to do that? I couldn't watch anymore after this point. It was so INHUMANE!!! Again what's wrong with them? In the end, another lady in her 30s saw the boy and quickly carried him to the hospital....

Sigh..looking and hearing at all of these stories really make me astounded and reminded at how capable human can sin. Of how corrupted humans are. Even babies. Humans are indeed incapable of saving themselves from all of these mess. Only Miracles can.

A close call

It had been a hectic day yesterday. I didn't even have time to update my blog. And now im updating on the bus! :P Well, yesterday was my exam and presentation day for both of my classes. So, started my journey from home since 9.30am. Supposed to go out at 9am but had some miscommunication with dad so it was a lil bit late. Nevertheless, when i reached the station, i had to wait for another 20mins. The train was delayed or perhaps the previous train had just passed. So yeah. It was still alright that time. Then, after an approximately one hour journey, i reached Rawang station at about 11.15am. One thing that is very funny. Previously, all of my journeys especially the transit from Rawang train to Tg Malim train were really smooth. Whenever i reached Rawang station from Kajang, the train to Tg Malim would always be there waiting for me. Thus, i've always thought the trains were pretty frequent. However, the opposite happened yesterday (of all days!) when i couldn't afford to be late! I had to wait for another 45 minutes because the next scheduled train was to arrive at 12pm! Wow..kind of worried already because it would take me another hour to reach plus all of the inbetween journeys might take some time (station to campus, campus to hostel, hostel to PC) AND my class was starting at 2pm!

I calmed myself down and tried to look at it as achievable. Slept throughout the journey and also tried to memorize my script for the oral presentation. The people on the train must had thought i was crazy because i was like talking to myself all the way in commuter and the train. Hehe.

Anyway, in the end, i took a taxi from station instead of the uni bus to campus. After that, had to wait for about another 20 mins for the bus to arrive at campus. I didnt manage to go back hostel to put my bags so i had to bring them all around. Thank God that for this week i'd decided to bring my netbook home thus it was with me.

Oh well, talking about my exam and presentation. I don't know what to say about it. Don't know what positive things to say about it. All i can say is that i guess i've tried my best. For the exam, it was pretty ok but i know i made some mistakes or put in the wrong answer. Just couldn't think of other answers. For oral, it was..pretty bad. I kept forgetting what i was going to say so had to refer to my script a couple of times. Sigh. Hope to do better next time.

After all that was said, I'm still glad that two of the exams and presentations are over! Time to prepare for the coming ones! :) Good day to all of you!

Stars and whales singing

This is really amazing.

Just want to share it to all fellow worshippers.

The whole God's creations sing to Him! All the more should we!

Just some updates.

Yesterday i went to CF, as i said in my earlier post. We had prayer walk around the campus. It only went on for 45 mins and i was paired with a Sabahan girl called Pelucan (something like this). Mostly the CF consists of Sabahans and Sarawakians. Well, at least those who came. Only me, Alice and Jared were Chinese there. I guess there're a few more but they weren't there yesterday. Anyway, though the meeting was pretty simple and short, i felt pretty "alive" again in uni. Don't really know how to explain so i won't confuse you guys with words. In conclusion, it was good! :) I think i'll be able to pick up some Bahasa because they speak in BM. Hehe.

I was back yesterday also. The journey was tiring. I'd got to wait 1 full hour for the next Rawang train. Didn't know it was that long! Perhaps i'd been blessed all these while, to arrive at the train station right on the time the train arrived! It was already 4pm by the time the train reached. Glad that i was able to sit throughout the whole journey. Sat beside a mother and her baby in the Rawang-Seremban train and the baby was so active! He just couldn't stay focus on one thing, or stay quiet for a moment at all. He kept climbing all over, pulling things out, grabbing stuffs and then throwing them away, touching bags, clothes, tudungs, and in the end, even suddenly kissed my phone after marvelling at it. Pity the mom. She had to apologize to everyone around her everytime her baby did that. Lol.

Today, we met our new youth pastor called Pastor Peter Wong. He is from Klang and is still staying there! Touched by his effort of coming here from far. Well, hope that we'll work together as a team for the better! :)

10 random things i feel like doing now

Because i've nothing to do and i don't feel like starting my assignments now since i'm having something later.


1. Climb one of the mountains here in Tg Malim. (because i've been seeing it everyday and am seeing it right now through the window of the library.)

2. Buying lots of waffles and have a waffle party here in library.

3. Jam around with friends - singing, guitar, piano, SINGING WITH ALL MY HEART!!

4. Teleport to a beautiful beach and enjoy the sound of the waves while lying down on the sand with a glass of lemonade.

5. Watch a good comedy with friends who are not shy to laugh out loud.

6. Fly to different parts of Malaysia and to Perth to give surprise visits to friends.

7. Write a song with stupid lyrics with friends.

8. Eat Baskin Robbin's icecream!

9. Visit High School CF!! and TARC CF! Miss them so much and miss those times!

10. Gather those kakis and play all those games i used to play in childhood like batu seremban and getah!


Looks like there're lots of things to do with friends! Ugh! I guess i'm missing everyone right now or i need to socialize more and do something fun!
Anyways, have been feeling sleepy for the past few days. I think i've to change my sleeping pattern soon! Can't be going to lectures with a mind half shut down. Alright! CF is in 30 mins time. First time going. Wonder how will it be like. Will update when i go back Kajang today. :)

Care & Love

What did i learn today? I guess to make the effort to care for someone. Kinda heavy huh? Maybe. This is something that i'm still in the process of learning! Well, today me and another friend of mine went to see Dr. Goh, who is one of our TESL lecturers. He is also one of the members from the English church we attended last Sunday here. He called us for a simple chat and get-to-know session. Very warm and nice person he is! One of the examples of exerting myself to care for someone. I guess to care for someone requires effort too! I've always thought that some people are able to care without giving effort to it, but now i feel that, no matter how easy the person may show in caring, effort is indeed needed in the process!

I am reminded of the meaning of love too today. In fact, these words popped up to me while i was showering. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. How pure is love! Constantly, i've not loved as how i should. No matter who and on what situations. I know the only way for me to love is to know more of God's love AND to let it soak in me. Commitment time! :)

Actually i'm really sleepy right now and it's been a tiring day. Had dance class just now and it was pretty fun. I think i'm 5% into getting the hang of this? Lol.
God bless! :)

Down..down..down..down..down..

Today i had my first group presentation that carries marks. We were the first group to present and we needed to teach the other students on Lompat Tinggi. What i can say about the presentation is that it totally went down hill. Well, we had tried our best but it seemed that it was not enough. Everything was pretty dull because the students were not giving much cooperation. On top of that, more than half of them came 30 mins late so our presentation had to be shorten 30 mins! Which means a 1 and a half hour teaching became 1 hour. D: At the end of the lesson, the instructor who was giving us the marks said some stuffs that confirmed that we weren't that good. Ugh, hopefully by being first to present, we got enough 'markah kasihan' to get us through! Oh wells~ one of the factors that makes my mood pretty bad. I guess i'm just having one of my moody days today. Went vegetarian for the night. A sign of mourning? lol. Anyway, shall rejoice because at least now 1 presentation down, 3 others to go for this and next week itself! :)

Updates on uni

It's been some time (again!) i didn't update this blog. Sorry! to whoever who're still reading this. Anyway, i'm going to update about my life here in UPSI. It's been like what, 4 weeks, im here but it feels like i've been here for months! I find this place pretty comfortable. Love the views here especially from my college (which means hostel). I can view the mountains (might not be a big deal to you though)! =P

Anyways, as you know (or don't), i'm taking TESL which is Teaching English as Second Language. There're a total of 3 groups and i'm placed in the third group. =) Well, assignments are currently flooding in and due dates are approaching. Tests are coming too in one or two weeks time and i'm not really prepared yet. Lol. Had been lazing around for the first few weeks. Probably the constant travel between Tg. Malim and Kajang every weekend makes me slower in progress on those assignments! This weekend is my first weekend of not going back and i find that i suddenly have a lot of time! Thus, i guess i'll only be going back every fortnight.

Staying back during the weekends is rather interesting because i get to visit the churches here. I went to 2 churches in these 2 days. One is a Chinese Methodist church where all of them are UPSI students and another one is Grace AOG which has English service. Planning to visit another Tamil church on the next weekend im here. They have English service though i think they sing worship songs in Tamil! Well, just check it out? =) Also recently i got to know there IS a CF in uni! Gonna check out also in this coming Friday. Lol. Heard that they're mainly consist of Sabah-ans and Sarawakians. So they use Malay in the meetings. Interesting!

Anyway, i joined the English Debate club. Just went for one meeting only though but i find it pretty interesting. I'm not good in debating but i find the meeting will help me to think more like a debater, which is good! However, almost all my friends are thinking of quitting soon! Well, shall see whether to join further. I'm also joining the Chinese Club and they have this Dance Class every Wednesday. Its really fun to see everyone dance though we don't really know how. xD Another thing i regretted not knowing earlier is about the Pancaragam! I didn't know we can join or can only join in our first semester and drop the Kokurikulum course that has been automatically registered for us! If i'd known earlier, i'd have known another musical instrument, like FLUTE or TRUMPET or TROMBONE or etc! Wasted D:

Celebrated my first birthday here in UPSI on Thursday. Went to KFC and Blue Gardens for the first time. Well, some of the friends here bought a cake for me, which was a surprise, considering that Secret Recipe is quite a distant and the packed schedule on that day. Truly enjoyed my 20th birthday! :))
Have met some good friends here along the way and am really grateful about it. Shall see where God leads me in this place. I'll update more frequently! Promise :D