My journey to understand

I'm still marvelling and digesting this truth.

"The freedom of choice that we are given includes the possibility of sin. When people choose evil over God, the result would be the suffering"

God is all-powerful. I would think that He can handle, or should handle all the bad things that are going on in this world. Looking at the result in our world today, i would always ask why, either consciously or unconsciously or just wiping this question away as my life now is mostly better than half of the world is facing, or ignoring the looming question because it is so hard to be answered and i have no answer to it, why would God allow pain and suffering to happen in our world? The genocides, the accidents, the sickness, deaths..

I am now reading this book called Case For Faith by Lee Strobel. It seeks to explain all the difficult questions in life. Now i am in the first part of the first chapter and i just need some time to digest them...to soak in them.....

As to the question that have been in my mind since a very long time, i think i found a partial of the answer in this truth above. We are given the free will by God. A free will to choose. If we can choose to the good side, we can also choose to do the bad. God cannot stop us from choosing the bad as this will contradict with his free will plan for us. So, basically, the choice that we have is actually the source where sins or pain or suffering come from.

This truth is still resounding in me. Even though i have known the story about Eve going against God in the beginning, i didnt really connect it to the things that happen now in our world. Or maybe i had just forgotten about this truth.

I am shaken.
What choice have i made that contribute to the increasing sin, suffering and pain in this world?
God, what have i done? What sin have i cowardly closed my eyes to that contribute to this downfall state?
Help me to repent from them...

"Real love must involve a choice. But with the granting of that choice comes the possibility that people would choose instead to hate."

Gosh..i really have so much freedom in my choice..and that, my choice is actually a very heavy responsibility that God has granted me.
To how i use this choice, will be all up to me.
I need to remember the magnitude of this.

It.

It has come back again. Time after time.

Will it haunt me forever? Thinking of the possibilities in another universe?

Different places, different opportunities, different exposures.

Of what and who did i owe to to be in this stagnant, forsaken place?

Of what and who did i owe to to be led to this lonely, hopeless path?

So different..so hurtful..so forsaken.

Turning left and right just to find tall, steep ridges flanking both my side.

Is there no other choice but to follow this dark set road?

It's dashed. It's broken. It's shattered.

Hoping to find a little piece of color out of the crushed fragments.

But the little piece, would it be enough

To cover the deep void

That is constantly widening.

Cook cook!

Since i have been staying alone for most of the time now, i have been experimenting with some dishes, or rather different kind of fried rice, to be specific.

It is actually kind of fun to decide what i want to eat for the day. However, the down side is that, i am always lack of ingredients! Well, at least, i will not have the chance to entertain my uncertainty of having to choose from a wide variety of dishes to cook and eat. Topped with my limited cooking skill, choosing a recipe is rather easy for now.

Currently, the only ingredients i have are spinach, potato leaves, eggs, 1/2 garlic, 1 onion, noodles, rice, mushroom, olive oil, chili paddy (very big plus!), soy sauce.......and salt.
Well, due to the lack of ingredients, i tend to scurry around more for hidden, or expired stuffs that i can throw in. For example, i found a pack of cheese, which has been sitting in my freezer for ages, for my lunch later (i hope it doesn't give me stomachache but i need cheese)! Maybe i might find more stuffs! *wink*

This is something i cooked last night. I shall name it spinach mushroom garlic chili paddy fried rice! One of my success. 

Till then.

Pancakes OTW

I sent my mum off to the bus station yesterday night.
And now, i am all alone.












Cooking pancakes.

*eyes popping out with mouth opened wide if you want* (only applies for those people who know i am not the cooking type)

Yes. That is how bored i am right now.
But then, it is quite fun actually..whipping out my own magic in the kitchen.
It is still in the pan, in the heat.
To be honest, I have totally NO idea whether it will come out fine.
It is now half-cooked, and..urm..actually looks kind of weird..the colour i mean.
I think i have put too much oil..? Or is it flour..?

I really hope its edible. =S

Choose to move forward

I feel defeated.
A lot of things seem to be falling apart. Things seem to be so easy for others, yet to me, they are so hard to be achieved. The dreams and hopes that i have always had, come so easily to people but me.
I feel .. defeated.
But i want to believe that, one day, i will be a conqueror too. If there is no such hope anymore, what will my life be on earth then? Surrender to the fate of life? Is fate the determiner of all things or are there other roads to fighting back fate? I want to believe that God is bigger than this fate. I want to believe, with this little faith i have.
I know i lack of so many things in me. But for now, i want to believe that things will change if i have the will and faith. Not only to believe, but to act on this belief.
Let the past be the past. With every failure, i will make them as stepping stones to success. For hard work, determination, perseverance and faith, shall be my companions in this journey ahead.

The finale

Today would be my last day in grandma's house, most probably, in this year. I have been staying here for the past three weeks. Thought i would not be able to survive but i did. It was not that hard this time as i could connect with the outside world at least, thanks to the broadband from aunt.

What i didn't expect to feel is mm-se-dak-ness to leave. I thought i would be awfully glad on this day. Well, i do feel a little glad as i can now move on to do the things i need to do at home, and that i would finally be at home with family members after months! But still, the thought of leaving my grandma behind leaves a sad feeling in me. I also will miss the constant visits from aunts and uncles who will bring along food. P/S: Good for my tastebuds :D

With all that is said, i now pronounce the end of another season in Perlis. Looking forward to the start of a new season, this time, a season full of trips! ^^

Reborn

This blog has been dead for quite some time aye. I doubt there is anyone who is still viewing this blog. Probably given up anticipating for the never-coming new post. :D

I actually forgot the existence of this blog until yesterday night when my friend sent to me the link to her blog. She told me that she has done a couple of advertorials and got paid for it. Pretty interesting aye. I might be considering doing some of it too.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is more for me to remind myself on what i need to do in this holiday...or in the future. At times i found myself veering towards other non-productive things and thus wasting my time. In the end, i would blame myself for not putting my head and heart to the things i have vowed myself to do, including my interests! Heck, i know i love my interests, once i am actually doing it and reaping the benefits of it. It may seem funny to hear that it would require me effort to work on my interests, but its true to me. Perhaps i am just lazy that way. Time to change!
"Life would be more colourful if  one is hardworking." A phrase i have formed in my head and is hoping to stick to it.

Things i would like to do:
1) Make a scrapbook with the photos from each trip in the past.
2) Work as a freelancer. Anything that i can afford to do.
3) Update this blog.
4) To have a healthy lifestyle.
5) To not lose contact with old friends. Though i really suck in long-distance relationships with friends. I actually did not realise it until my "sister" told me about it.

Just five is enough for now. I do not want to be too ambitious about this. Hopefully this would work. :)

Japan Trip - Day Four in Kyoto

It didn't rain! :D

After a full breakfast, we headed towards the Kiyomizu-dera Temple. It was a temple built majestically at the hillside. The structure of the temple is the most unique i have ever seen. Around the temple, we visited multiple interesting sites. One of them is where the Jishu Shrine is placed. It is believed to be the god of love and "good matches". They have these two love stones placed like about 30m apart. It was said that if anyone can walk from one stone to another while covering their eyes, they will be able to find their true love. So, bro tried it and ended up bumping so many people along the way. I had to scream Stop every time he was about to bang onto someone! Kind of hilarious!

Surrounding the temple too, there are ponds of water from the hill where you can drink. I tried it and mayn, it is the tastiest water i have ever drunk if water can be tasted~

Anyway, to conclude, the place is a beautiful one. I love love the traditional Japanese houses. Oh, i also saw a few of the people wearing kimonos with those thick make ups on. Real authentic Japanese! We went from shop to shop, taking photos here and there, taking in every scenery and enjoying the atmosphere. We tried their green tea cream puff and custard cream puff. They were good! Also tried a waffle ice cream with strips of chocolate. Local product and its good!

We took a taxi back to hotel earlier as mum was not feeling that well.

Tomorrow will be a busier day as there are still so many places left to be visited!
I hope my camera battery can last longer tomorrow!

Japan trip - Day Three in Kyoto

So we checked out from our hotel in Osaka in the morning and headed towards the Osaka Station where we took a train to Kyoto! Kind of miss Osaka even now.

Kyoto, on the first sight, seems a little like Switz and Rome to me. Almost the same feeling i got when i viewed those two cities last time. Kyoto, i think the third biggest city in Japan, probably like Ipoh to us Malaysians, is huge huge huge and impressive. The people here are a little different than the people in Osaka. Well, for one, there is lesser and more appropriate make up on the girls here. Somehow, this place has more cars and much lesser bicycles compared to Osaka.

After checking in to our hotel, which is Citadines Hotel, we searched for food. It was already 3pm. We went to one which was recommended by the people in the internet. I had fried crispy chicken and egg with rice. Not bad. Very very full in the end. While eating, i noticed there were two beggar-looking guys having their late lunch there too. As i was too full, i couldn't finish my food. So, when i saw the empty bowls in front of them, like really really empty and clean, i felt pretty bad. Not a single of anything was left, like they are treating each bits of rice as gold. Shame on myself. Repent! Haha. I also noticed that the people here in Japan, again, are very polite and kind. They treated the beggars equally and with kindness, even though they refilled their bowls of rice twice! (rice can be refilled in this restaurant without charge)

Anyway, after eating, we headed towards the Nishiki Market. Mostly a place or a lonnngg street that sells food! And many many other stuffs. As i had already gone to Osaka, which has almost the same kind of streets, some even better, this Nishiki Market seems a little dull to me. Still, it is a great place to visit. We reached an intersection that leads us to another happening street when we saw our first Japanese temple. The temple is a small one and it has a little garden at the side as well. Not bad for a start. Tomorrow i will visit more of this.

We walked and went sightseeing any streets or shops that caught our eyes. Plenty of stuffs sold but all of them are pretty pricey. We also managed to walk through a brilliantly-lit street that is filled with shops that sell branded items.

We bought some local food and went back to our hotel to eat. As mum loves mushrooms, she bought some of that too and we had our little steamboat session at night. Tried their famous Asahi beer and it is good! I think the best beer i have ever drunk! Million times better than sake of course! Hehe.

That's about it. Tomorrow will continue my update. Hopefully the weather man is wrong on tomorrow's rain. It is supposed to rain the whole day and we have to visit a lot of places. :( *crossing fingers and toes*

Till then!

Japan Trip - Day Two in Osaka

When we were walking around to search for food, i discussed with dad about how many steps we had taken today. We calculated that we had walked about 15000 steps! We went to a lot of streets today, and all of them are a sight to behold! First, we went to Kuromon Ichiba Market. It is a market which sells vegie, fish, poultry, food, household items, flowers and et cetera. We bought some food a long the way. Tried their Takoyaki, fresh soymilk which is the strongest flavoured soymilk i have ever tasted, Negima Kushi, fried squid, flour balls with green tea flavour topped with crushed peanut, a bowl of taufu, fish cakes and other stuffs which were boiled with something, and smoked salmon which was very fresh. The market is quite clean and dry. If i have a market like this, i wont mind going there everyday!

Next, we walked along Omoro Nare street. The street was not really flooded with people but when i entered a fancy casino, i knew where they all went! I saw many old people gambling using pinballs! There were a few others along the road filled with old people too. Next, we reached Namba Street. It was a short yet beautiful street, lined with heavily decorated restaurants and other shops. We were actually searching for Dotombori. Along the way, we passed Ebisubashi street. Still lots of stuffs in it! Yesterday, i said that the Shin Sai Bashi street was like Petaling Street except it was much cooler. Actually, it is more like Pavillion where branded items are sold. This Ebisubashi street is more like PS as it sells cheaper items and more assorted ones. It is a very long street too. Ugh..actually i should not compare it to anywhere in Malaysia because the places in Japan are incomparable. They have everything and a lot of interesting streets to walk in. One of the most interesting among other countries. 

At last, we reached Dotombori after asking for direction. Unique street! Again, filled with restaurants which are beautifully decorated. After that, we walked towards the direction of Amerika Mura. The streets there are filled with American stuffs and things that depict America. Not really much at that place, but still interesting just the same. After that, we just walked randomly in all directions..whichever way that looks good because everywhere is worth looking. We passed some streets which look like a part of street in Melbourne. Nostalgic. After that, when we started to head back towards Dotombori, it was starting to get dark. Lights were lighted up everywhere and they were amazing. The colourful night in Osaka. Like the ones i saw before in tv. Passed through Soemon-Cho which is another tourist attraction. We stopped to enjoy the scenery on a bridge across Dotomborigawa River situated between streets where we could see the lights on buildings surrounding us. 

We had Korean food for dinner! :D Me ordered BiBimBap which was recommended by the restaurant. At night, we had a little session of drinking sake. This is my first time drinking and i detest it! It smells like thinner and tastes like thinner too! Anyway, i think sake is supposed to be heated up so perhaps thats why it tasted horrible because we couldnt heat it up. Ate sushi, fried squid, Takoyaki and strawberries with it. 

Thus ends my second day. Tomorrow we will be going to Kyoto. Will miss Osaka very much!

Japan Trip - Day One in Osaka

My feet hurts! And it is only the first day in Japan! :O i can barely stand at all now. Haha.

My flight was at 1am today and we reached at 8:15am Japan time. I was not really that excited as i should be before trips. Probably because i am not really a fan of Japan and also maybe the reality of going to Japan had not sunk in. But now, i am slowly accepting the fact that i am in this place! About time! After we got out from the Kansai International Airport, we went to search for our hotel in Osaka. During the process there, we met a lot of friendly Japanese. Despite not being fluent and some, not even able to speak any English at all, they offered help in guiding us to the right direction. Pretty good. Everyone here is very warm and polite. Especially those who are in service. On one occasion when we were in the train leaving the airport, the train operator, when walking through the coaches, simply troubled himself in bowing to everyone when he entered and left each of them, even when no one was paying any attention to him! Kinda impressive, to me, because if it was me, i would not even think it necessary! Japanese is Japanese. Anyway, seriously, it is really not easy for those who dont know how to read Chinese characters when traveling in Japan. They rarely translate anything to English, except the signboards at the train stations. We could not even find an English leaflet about the underground train.

We needed a little time to get used to the train system as there were many lines, in which some of the lines we were not allowed to take as we purchased the one day ticket Kansai Thru Pass. The ticket only provides transportation from the airport and anywhere that can be reached by subway.  But anyway, it is sufficient for us.

As i was too hungry until i could barely talk and not turn pale, we had our lunch in a classic Japanese stall called Yoshinoya. It is a small restaurant where you have to sit on high stools facing the kitchen to be served. I ordered a set which consists of peppered beef, smoked salmon, soup and rice. It was quite good.

After checking in at Sheraton Miyako Hotel, which is just right beside of the subway, we headed to the famous Osaka Castle in Chuoku. It is a castle built on top of a hill. It looks kind of ordinary, like a
temple only. Surrounding it are gardens and parks. Quite a relaxing place for those who want to take a break from the city. Indeed, i saw many old people strolling with their dogs or just simply enjoying the view. The place would be much more beautiful during spring as you can see sakura flowers everywhere. During winter, like now, all you can see are brown trees, trees with no leaves and browns. Quite dull-lah. Must come here again during the two-week spring when the sakuras are present! We bought ice cream on our walk back. I tried the millet cake soft ice cream which is a specialty from Osaka. Love it. Oh, one thing i like about winter is that ice cream will not melt easily even if you enjoyed it slowly. I just felt like i was eating ice cream in a fridge! 


So after that, we went to Shin Sai Bashi-Suji! Very cool place! It is a bit like Petaling Street back at home except, it is a thousand times more splendid! You can just see all kinds of shops. Girls will love this place very much. Hehe. We walked only half of that loooooong street and changed our course to another street called Soemon-Cho. This street is much much much quiter. Probably only during the day. Not at night tho as it is filled with pubs and bars and places where you can hire prostitutes and gigolos! Man, the gigolos are very handsome! Like those you can see on the screen! 

For dinner, we went to search for food in Hi Hi Town. Inside this "town", it is like a maze filled with cute little Japanese restaurants at every corner. At last, we went to one, which i dont know what name it is cuz its in Jap again. I ordered tempuras with rice. It is quite good too. Except, after the meal, i am feeling a bit bored with the bland Japanese food. On the first day! Again. Haha. 

After makan, went to walk around a supermarket called Harves. The place and the surroundings simply reminded me of Melbourne.

So, thats Day One. :)

P/s: sorry for no pictures. Next time!

You Are Special Card

Recently, Alice recommended Pinterest to me and it has got me hooked tremendously! I am just simply drawn to the Art & Craft section where websites that show crafty works are pinned by the members in Pinterest. So, wanting to try something out, i decided to make a card simply because it is one of the easiest to make and i do not have any materials except a few colour ink pens and papers.

Here is my first work!

I drew the outline first using a mechanical pencil.

Started colouring using the colours that i have. Actually did a mistake of the colour at the biggest love there. The colour combination does not look that good.

Continue colouring.

And colouring.

Draw the outline of the shapes.

Add on words! Here, I used Calvin and Hobbes font.

So this is it!
Hope you like it :)
Credit to JessWitty.

Two is better than one

A couple of days back, i found out that there are actually people, friends, who are waiting for me to post pictures in my deviantart account. I thought no one would have the urge to open that account of mine. So, because of this support, no matter how small it is, i have revived it again. Well, the reasons why i stopped updating were because i was busy with my semester and also it required me quite some time to navigate through my slow netbook. So, most of the time, i can only do it when i have ample of time, for example, now. :)

This is the first piece i have made in this new year. I have been wanting to do it last year because i just love the little windows on the rooftop. However, i didn't know what software to use for that black and white with a little colour left effect. Well, the brush effect is pretty crude though. Sorry for that and hope you like it anyway. :)

Blessed 2013

Today is the first Sunday of the year 2013. Today is also the day i finally am able to quiet down myself, lie back and reflect on 2012 and think of 2013. Well, for the previous year, i kind of gave up on making any resolutions but i think that maybe it is good to have one even if i may not follow it throughout the year. I figure, at least, it can provide me on where to start, to set my sails right. 2012 had been a really crazy year. So many bad things happened and also it was also a year full of amazing things. A boring, monotous year, punctured with excitements and adventures. A joyful year and also a year with many tears and pain. A year when i lost friends and gained new ones and loved ones. A year when i turned 21. Pretty significant eh? I don't know what 2013 has installed for me. It should be another challenging year. It will. But i hope that, at the end of everything, i would be able to tell myself that i have gone through it, whatever honey or crap, and arise a much better person. That i have learnt and taken a step nearer to understanding this life and to cope with it. By wanting to understand and be in tune, i have to allow myself to be involved. Not a person who is sitting at the bench, watching life goes by, but to be a person who is in the game. Hopefully this blog will help a little in keeping me on track. :)